Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’m finally going to tell you.
I don’t know how.
But I do know this. First you’ll make me laugh and de-blade the butterflies that are shredding my guts right now. Then I’ll get lost in the music and pretend to forget and be happy and for a little bit it will all be perfect.
And then…I will probably fuck it up royally. And flee the state for a few days to give you time to breathe and me time to heal.
I can’t help but think of the number of times I’ve listened to this song and how loudly I’ve sung along:
“Don’t make this easy. I want you to mean it.”
And now I’m wondering why you couldn’t make this easy.
I do want you to mean it.
I’m just afraid of fulfilling the line that follows
“You’re dressed to kill. I’m calling you out. Don’t waste your time on me.”
Because i know i’m not worth it.
But I wish I were.
and yet I think you’re worth it.
le sigh, I’ve lost it.
Yeah. Soooooooooooooo far over my head. So far that The Fray wrote a song about it.
but I could get used to it.
I’m learning to think that I’m more than a 6 foot down statistic
Call me crazy, but I like to keep my drama tucked behind the curtain line
this ain’t no stage and honey no one’s cheering
so go ahead, take your bow and when you’re done turn off the lights
I wish there was a rewind button on all of it. I want to go back and take my chances with you. I want you closer than you are right now, maybe even closer than you were then. You were close enough to touch, but I was stupid and scared. But I want to go back to that bench and watch the storms roll in with you. Because even though they were close enough to scare us both, I felt like they couldn’t touch me for once.
“Get me out of this place before I cause more damage”
Ammended,
I am actually keeping my head above water but frankly I am scared as hell because I’m really falling for you and as much as I try there’s no way to stop it.
Karma, take note
I’m trying.
At this second, I don’t feel good enough
I feel like I’m dreaming too big
Like I’m such an idiot for thinking that maybe i have a shot at something that can actually make me feel good.
The itch is coming back and it’s damn hard to ignore.
But I’m not going to give in.
Because you keep telling me to fight it and that I shouldn’t give a fuck about the rest of the world. It’s odd that without knowing anything you can make me feel this much better…
So Karma, please pay attention.
I’m fighting with all I’ve got now. Please don’t let it be in vain.
